I am not defined by my injury
“Strength shows not only in the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over”. Have you ever felt cheated out of something you believe you deserve? A bold statement, I’m aware, but for a time, one which I believed strongly. Ever since I was old enough to remember, all I’d wanted to achieve in life was to put on the red jersey of wales and represent my country playing the game I love. What could have been better? And for a while, it seemed that it could have been a realistic option. Except for one factor- my own body. So, flash forward a few years, 2 major knee operations later, I am left with the memories of what might have been. But these days, I’ve made peace with my injury and now view it as a redirection on to new opportunities rather than the end of a chapter.
Little bit of background on me. My name is Rhys Davies, I’m 20 years old and I’m a psychology student at Swansea University. I’d played rugby to a high level since I was 6. I had given countless hours to training, in sometimes, very faraway places, and also my parents had given up, very selflessly, a lot of their time, making sure I was able to attend these sessions in the hope that one day all this commitment would yield a successful career. Some people tend to perceive ‘rugby boys’ in a certain light, boisterous and involved in a ‘lad’ culture but I hope I can help show that isn’t the case for all rugby boys. I’d like to think of myself as an activist for mental health awareness, I volunteer during term time at a mental health charity and my future career aim is to gain a career in clinical psychology and hopefully make a difference, no matter how small. In my experience, it’s good to engage with things you’re passionate about and it made me realise that I have so much more to give.
The first injury came when I was just 15, after a fantastic season, I suffered a serious knee injury playing in a 7s rugby tournament. Ruptured Anterior Cruciate Ligament, torn meniscus, bruised Posterior Cruciate Ligament. Quite a number which required a substantial layoff period after a big operation. It came at a poor time, just before I had age grade trials for a regional side. I was side-lined for a year but, I still maintained a positive attitude armed with the intention of getting my body back to its physical peak and getting my name back on the radar. When I returned, it seemed that the journey to get my name back in the mix would prove to be a very difficult one so after much deliberation I decided to just play for the enjoyment of it. I played for my local youth side with some of my best friends and made some incredible memories.
Then, when I was 18 came another ACL tear. Thankfully I had a very talented surgeon who did a fantastic job on both of my operations. He also informed me that once you have ruptured your ACL twice, then the likelihood of the injury reoccurring increases and that maybe I should think about calling it a day. Ouch. Interestingly, my dad and my brother have also all suffered ACL tears in the past, something which I eagerly brought up to my surgeon who suggested that the injury was most likely due to a genetic weakness in the family. It’s certainly something that I hope I don’t pass on to my kids anyway. It was during this period that the injury affected me the most. I couldn’t exercise meaning I gained weight and my self-confidence suffered a great deal. There’s also that feeling of betrayal on behalf of your own body, an 18 year olds body should be strong, healthy and durable and surely shouldn’t be giving up on them? I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had already peaked in life, and that from now on it would be a steady downhill decline.
Being good at sports at a young age did bring with it a sense of status, one which I revelled in at the time and the thought of having that taken away at age 18 was a tough pill to swallow. It caused somewhat of an identity crisis, with questions like, who am I without rugby? What now? But one thing that a big injury does give you is time. And lots of it. I spent a lot of my recovery time thinking about myself as a person, my alternative interests and finally after a few months of being my own harshest critic, I reached a stage of acceptance. I knew that this was going to be a period of change and yes, change is scary! But what’s scarier, is letting that fear stop you from evolving and growing.
One thing I hated was the lack of control that I had over these types of things. But I’ve since come to realise that you can’t exert control over the events that set you back. But you can control how you respond to them and where you go from there. And it’s often these events and responses that ultimately make you who are and create the strength of your character. It’s helped me come to the realization now that it’s important to know that no matter how much you love something, no one thing can completely define who you are. Don’t think that because you’ve stopped doing what you love, that you don’t have anything to offer, there are a million things that if you were given the chance to experience you would be amazing at. If anything, it gives you an opportunity to learn a little more about the most important person in your life - yourself. It’s important to accept the cards you’re dealt and to try and make the best out of this new situation. Use it as a chance to try new things and channel your energy into new passions. In the last year or so, I’ve been trying out all kinds of new activities to fill the competitive egg shaped void left from rugby, most recently I’ve taken up kayaking. I’m also a regular at spin classes in the gym and I’m in the process of gaining my coaching badges which will allow me to be able to coach and hopefully inspire the next generation of welsh superstars.
Remember, whilst you may not be able to actively engage in the thing you love, you can still be involved and reap its benefits. Most exciting, however, is the volunteer expedition that I’m undertaking next month to the Fijian Islands in order to help increase the standards of education and sports in their rural communities. So, the take home message from this, I guess, is to view your setbacks not as setbacks, but as a redirection to a new opportunity and a chance to immerse yourself in different experiences and become a more rounded person
. It’s important to talk to those around you and seek help if you need it. It’s alright to feel down, because it’s all part of the journey that will take you to new places and on to new things. I still get asked if I miss rugby. And I answer truthfully, yes I do and seeing some of the friends I once shared the field with go on to make their professional debuts does hurt somewhat slightly but the overwhelming emotion I feel now is pride. It instilled some key values in me which I can transfer to other aspects of life and I will forever cherish my playing time. BUT, it doesn’t define who I am, I am so much more and I am ready for whatever the world has to throw at me