How one girls love for literature helped her find her love for life.
At the age of thirteen years old I was diagnosed with anxiety, panic attacks, depression and suffered from chronic migraines.
Because I began to have panic attacks and migraines whenever and wherever I begged my mom to take me out of school -something someone with anxiety should never do: Avoid.
I then became bedridden, my life soon revolved around books and television, my room became my whole world.
When things progressed I thought about committing suicide everyday because I could no longer see a future for myself. Books became an escape, I lived through these stories, I could read a 400 page book within a week, maybe less.
I had attacks everyday, but as I grew older and received help through counselling and medication, all I could think about was starting high school and experiencing life as a teenager, just like the characters in my books.
In my first year of high school every day I got through was an accomplishment, my only goal was to make it to the next. Every day that l had to miss because of an attack would cause me to break down in tears because I loved school and the feeling of being normal. I took studying and attendance very serious. As I went into my second and third year of high school I began to come out of my shell and not care what others thought anymore. I spent too long being afraid and I was sick of it. I would still have panic attacks and migraines while in school but my teachers were so understanding and helpful that it got easier to keep returning to school.
In my last year of high school I couldn't believe i made it that far; just years ago I didn't think I'd make it to my next birthday but now I was a possible grad.
In those few years, I made a group of friends, had my first relationship and heartbreak, participated in a mental health awareness group, stood up to bullies and my biggest accomplishment: graduated from high school. What made this goal even greater is that I was awarded the Governor General's award for academic excellence, meaning I achieved the highest grade in my graduating class.
I still struggle with panic attacks and migraines, I still get depressed and I wish I could say it's easier now but, you just get stronger, you just get use to fighting. Those that struggle with any illness are not defined by them, as for myself, I look at it this way: I am not defined as the girl who had thoughts that terrified her, who became so scared of herself that she no longer did anything without fear. I am the girl who was able to graduate high school, she stood up to and didn't back down. I am not ashamed of what I've been through, I'm proud. I don't wear my mental illness as shackles, I wear it as armor, I wear it as a badge of honor.
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