A lot of people think of 3 as their lucky number, and so this 3 year anniversary of Renegades should be pretty spectacular…but it doesn’t feel that way.
Today is cold, it’s quiet, I’m missing the familiar laughter that I once held so close.
Support comes in waves. Some days a post will get 80 likes, others it’s 6. It never matters as long as those who needed to see it - saw it. But over the years there have been consistencies, a handful of people who support Renegades with unwavering loyalty.
Lucia, the one who got us attention. The one who hooked people with her unmatched positivity, her undeniable bravery in the face of the unknown. The young woman who loved pasta and swimming and poking her tongue out in all the photos. Dedicated to raising awareness about the importance of organ donation, feminsit and friend.
Yousif, the one who never failed to share a post. The one who sat by me in year 7 and made life so much more colourful. The dreamer of the seemingly impossible, determined to outshine us all. The one who would always call you when you were walking home alone and remind you to post on Renegades in the morning.
Kat, the one brought so many together. The one who wrote an article that has over 2,000 shares. Friend to all living things, from bees to spiders to humans. The first to remind you how great a job you are doing on the days you wanted to give up. Love and light in human form.
The loss of these three remarkable young people hit hard, it hit a lot of us hard. Life shifted overnight and yet looking outside the window…nothing looked different.
I thought back over the last 3 years, wondering if I’d missed something. If I could’ve done more for Kat and Yousif. Regretted not taking more photos with Lucia.
Last weekend I went to Wagamamas for the first time (yes I know…) and went to ask Yousif what he would recommend. The realisation that he wasn’t here hurt for a moment until I realised…he is. Kat is. Lucia is. They’re here, just not in the way I am used to.
Kat is in everything yellow, she is in all the bumblebees, from the ones in the garden to the ones printed on notebooks in tesco. She is there every time I have the urge to dye my hair, when I pick up a paintbrush, when I see a frog.
Yousif is laughing when my eyeliner goes wrong, he’s there when I pick a bold outfit over jeans and a jumper. He’s in music and cocktails and Starbucks coffee. He’s in Reese peanut butter cups, Jai Ho and puppies.
Lucia is in cold dips in the sea. She is there when I donate blood, hear an Irish accent or have a much needed chat with her Dad. She's nights out dancing, books and ballet shoes. She’s there whenever I’m at an event that has a free breakfast.
So on this day, when so much feels missing, I remind myself and you that nothing is lost - just in a different place. We’re filling gaps with pieces that don’t fit. We’re filling gaps that don’t need filling.
3 years of getting to learn, love and let things go. 3 years of dreaming and pushing and trying.
While we aren’t where we want to be yet, we are closer than we were before.
Live loudly, donate proudly.
Do no harm, take no shit.
Keep Hauling.
-Lucy